“Just cry. It’s not about how you look…you know, a lot of times we’ll have this imaginary audience in our mind telling us that we look pathetic, or that the person who you’re no longer with isn’t feeling as bad as you. And if you go onto their Snapchat, or Instagram, and they’re having fun while you’re crying in bed…you’ll think ‘Wow. I’m crazy,’ or ‘They must not have liked me as much as I liked them.’ The pride that comes from that moment absolutely has to be expelled. You have to repent yourself from all prideful thinking, because…it’s about you. It’s not about how you look, or your ex and how they’re processing. It’s not about putting on a show for those people who you think are watching you […] So acknowledge that you are hurting, and acknowledge that this grieving period is necessary for recovery, to completely get over this person.
If you prolong that grief, you will prolong the healing process. A lot of times we’ll, you know, go out with friends, and date other people, and not really give ourselves that chance to grieve. And that grieving period becomes, you know, compartmentalized. It becomes, okay; once a week you let out a cry in the shower about it. Or, you know, you feel that hurt months later because you didn’t give yourself a chance to…just stay in bed. Cry. Like, ugly cry. When I grieve I allow myself to heave and cry and, it’s real ugly! It’s not the most attractive, it’s not my best moment…but it’s necessary and I applaud my ability to do that.
It doesn’t feel good in the moment or directly after. But you are able to breathe easier when you have cried it out.”
- Shea Butter Podcast ep. 1 | Moving Through Heartbreak | @sheabutterbitch
Grieving as an obligation
